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psalm 84:3 [04 May 2003|02:37pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

My parents came to see me yesterday, and I was drunk. That in it of itself is not only funny, but a sad and true commentary of how my weekend was. Now, today, I have so far gone to church, helped a friend move, started my laundry, cleaned my room, done the dishes, and managed to look fabulous doing so. I still have to finish my laundry, study for my midterm tomorrow, and get ready for a date tonight. I am a crazy busy girl. Oh, and go to Stevens and get another toothbrush. I need to have more interesting life choices in order to spice this shit up.

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The beauty expert [26 Apr 2003|09:02pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I am prefunking right now, and I decided to update. so here's my update. Alright, peace out.

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let us know [23 Apr 2003|03:23pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

So many many shades of grey accompany adult life. And why is that? And why must I be an adult right now? And why muct it all be so hard, when in thought it's actually so easy...

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study aids [22 Apr 2003|05:08pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

We found an apartment today. First true step towards actual adulthood, although mom and dad will be footing much of the bill. But to have an actual spot in the world that is actually mine and not just on loan from housing and food services, well, that'll be swell. ALthough I do realize that an apartment is also on loan in a way, but you know what I mean. Like we will have a kitchen and such, and closets and a front door. And my OWN ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh, the possiblities that entails. The excitement of it all. But is this actual separation from parental units, not like oh, i'm going home for the weekend, like this is my real home. Although right now I do think of the dorms as my actual home, because it's like a family here and all, but still. There is less of that oh, this is temporary sort of deal. And I guess this is growing up.

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Money money money mon-ey [17 Apr 2003|02:37pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Oh my goodness. Sometimes, when you are feeling bad about yourself, or sometimes even when you are having the best of days, it is a good idea to watch Jerry Springer. If you are having a bad day, then it makes you feel better about yourself, because you are not on the show. And if you are having the best of days, then it is also a good idea to watch because it makes you value your own life and all the benefits not being on such a show can bring one. Now, I am not saying that anyone on such a show is a terrible subhuman, but I have a pretty good idea that the people on said shows are not real people in the sense that real people can not possibly be that fucked up. I mean, they are real people in the sense that they breathe and urinate and die and such, but not real in the sense of their very very strange problems that they bring to Jerry to have blessed and solved. OK, so on this episode, this guy is actually a girl and has been with this other girl for a year and they have had sex and everything, and yet the girl girl doesn't know that the guy girl is actually a girl. To that I say, HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU NOT NOTICE THAT SORT OF THING?!?!!!!!!!! I mean really. I understand that there are products made to enable not endowed indivuails to do such acts, but HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE THAT IT WAS FAKE AND THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND HAD BREASTS?!?!?!!!!!!!! A year. A YEAR. That is a long time to know someone and do stuff with them and not notice that they were not equipped for the job naturally, if you know what I mean. I'm not trying to pass any judgments about whatever type of sex acts people engage in; alls I'm saying is that, one more time, HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE?!?! OK, so next there are women who are all fighting each other in their underwear over a man that your mother tells not to give change to outside the grocery store. Etc., etc. Now the audience is chanting "whore" and "big fat loser". You know, acient Rome fell because of the decedence and sin that Roman people found themselves in. Makes you think.

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flithy sons of bitches [04 Apr 2003|04:52pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Aahhhh, the weekend. Makes me so happy. So much promise, so many expectations, so many unknowns. I made a new mix, which is always exciting, and gave it a nifty name, which is also exciting. Finished first week of classes, and I have like the same classes every day of the week, which I kinda like, so there are not as many surprises, as I don't have to get out of autopilot when walking to classes. Which is very helpful, especially considering that I have to be checking out the men folk as I walk. Because it is my job. Someone today was like, I don't know if it's because it is spring or whatever, but there seems to be so maybe prettyy boys out all of the sudden. Time for love. Whatever. Love makes me kinda sick. I know that once I am actually in love some day, I probably will not think love is a nauseating thing, but as of now, I want to throw up when I see people all lovey dovey. I am a cynical bitch to the end. You know that some day I will be swept off my feet with the most perfect boy, and I love men, but like boyfriends who like bring their girlfriends flowers and say nice things, well, this is a foreign thing. And foreign things can be scary. I want love, but it's impossible. No, I want love, and know that love will come, and I want to be in love, but right now, love stinks. This is not a single girl rant, though; this is a conversation that actually stems from like 10th grade with Michael Knoll, when he would see these two kids making out every day and complain about it. Aaaahhh, good times, 10th grade. But I am so happy to be in my life right here, right now, to not have to be in the middle of my teenage years anymore, and to be on the brick of so many many things. So much still left to try and see and do. That is one of the greatest things in the world. To be on the edge and have so many opprotunities and have the power to chose how to live my life. These are the times I will look back on and say that was the time of my life.

Megan, who would you be if you did not think of other people as much?

Thank you so much for these words, Shaun, and I hope that with guidance from wonderful friends like you, I can learn to find out.

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self evident [01 Apr 2003|12:02pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Look, I am updating. The vicious critisms can start again. Joy. OK, so new classes, new peeps to be checkin'. And if by checkin', I mean checking out, then, yes, I am a female chauvist pig. I admit it. My room is a shrine to music and half naked men, but mostly half naked men. Almost all half naked men, although actually almost all of my pictures are actually fully clothed men, but I can make them half naked in my mind. Anyways, moving on, I just got direct connect and I also blew something yesterday when fully confronted with the glory that is istantaious downloads. Wow. So yesterday it was cristiened with the "Pixie Mix, or the best mix I ever made". Because it just might be. And that is neat. Some new bands I am digging on:

1. The Postal Service
2. Skycamefalling
3. Coheed and Cambria
4. The Blood Brothers

May not be so new to others, but hey, I am 14 years old in a 19 year old body
Songs that make me happy this week:

1. Desperado
2. How do you talk to an angel
3. The Bad Touch
4. Pixie
5. Jesse's Girl
6. Love Breaks Your Heart

I am not as depressing of a person as I would appear, judging from my collection of mostly hardcore bands and also many songs that feature themes such as dying, breaking of hearts, etc., etc. I just have noticed that I like songs that are of a more sad nature than other people, perhaps, although, as we all know, fangst sells.

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Greetings and salutations [16 Mar 2003|10:22pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Another weekend for the record books. Someday, when I am old and don't care anymore, but not too old as to not remember these times which are like no other, I will document my college days so others may live in the excitment and confusment that has been my freshman year so far. And to think that this is only the beginning...

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carmex $1.29 [14 Mar 2003|02:05pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Oh, my goodness, I will never have to pay for another CD as long as I live. My CD burner and I are best friends. I see a CD, I download a CD, problem solved. I know now where that "My name is Distance" thing comes from now, and that is exciting. I enjoy so much and am so glad I am now the hardcore girl I always wanted so badly to be. I guess there were so many things that I wanted to try in high school but I didn't, but on the other hand I don't think I really wanted to do them or I would have at the time. I think I was afraid to be myself, afraid or realizing that I wasn't the pretty pop princess I wanted to be, I wasn't the popular girl that I wanted to identify with. I tried to be, but a girl with short spiky hair wearing abercrombie doesn't really fit too many places. That's not to say, like I said yesterday, that I am abandoning the parts that make me me, like my affinity for pop culture and hip hop, but I think I was confused about what I wanted to present to the world that was me. It kinda sucks that I have had to grow up in like 6 months here, and that everyone has had to see me grow up and try so many new things in such a short time, but I seriously came here and I was like 14. I'm now at like a 17 year old, and everyday is like I find out more and more of who I am and not what my mom wanted me to be. She told me that one time, that I was nothing like what she wanted me to be. She wanted me to be a cheerleader, a sorority girl, like my sister and like her. Not that she was disappointed in me, but she always wanted me to be something that I'm not, and that;'s hard when you want so badly to be something for someone but you aren't. And now I am actually finding out who I am and trying to realize what is me and what is something I thought I should be. I wish that this could have happened when it did for everyone else, earlier on in their adolscence, but such is life. I most certainly would not have had the stories that I have now from college, because when you grow up years in months, crazy shit happens. But that could also just be me, because craziness does seem to gravitate towards me. But it is good to come closer and closer to who I want to be and who I am than what I should have been. And that;s what's so frustrating when people are like, oh, well, if boys don't like your short hair or your personality, you can change that. I'm like, but I shouldn't have to. A guy should love me for me, not in spite of me. Especially personality, that;s touchy, because that is who I am and I don't think you should have to change that. Personality is what you are born with and just comes. There should be no trying or straining. My whole life I have wanted to fit and have always been worried about titles and places in cliques. But you just have to screw that and be yourself, and the rest falls in place.

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Oh What a Night [13 Mar 2003|05:00pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I have my own dictionary definition, and that is neat. But what I really wanted to say is this: I LOVE HARDCORE MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be a very TRL type posting, but here it goes: I LOVE HARDCORE MUSIC, and I just wanted to say to the other Hardcore Girls that I am sorry I never gave this type of music an honest listen to until this year, and I wasn't ready for it at the time, but thanks for the patience because I love it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, this is great, because there is this BEAUTIFUL boy that is a hardcore boy and I love him and now I know that we could make each other mixes and sweet love at the same time. To anyone who is now tempted to comment on this posting, the last part was just a JOKE. A JOKE! OK, so yeah, I'm actually a hardcore girl now and proud of it. However, I just wanted to let my other fans know that I still love the top 40 set as well, and you will never be able to take the Britney/Justin out of this girl. I am a walking musical dicatomy, and I love it. Although, a lot of people do share my eceltical musical tastes, but I do know from experience the fact that I love Glassjaw and Blink 182 at the same time in my life does make me somewhat unique, although not terribly, so please no comments on that last one either. OK, I am going to get a soda now, so peace out and BELIEVE.

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Do you need a sweateerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr? [11 Mar 2003|07:09pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Oh my goodness, I just had one of the most amazing and intellectually stimulating conversations on enlightment. This my sound odd, but what makes it even odder is this was not my first conversation about enlightment, not by a long shot. It's a funny thing, because on one hand I get it so much, and the more I know the more it makes sense, but also the more I realize I have so much more to understand and to let go of, but there are some things that I don't want to let go of. I think that's OK, though, to not want to let go, because realizing that there are things of that nature that exist in my life is half the battle. And it's also all about finding within me what makes the most sense altogether, and that's something that can take a while. Although I am starting on my path of realization way earlier than most people, and that is not a comment on "oh, I'm better", just a statement that people usually don't find a need to realize themselves and transcend what they have been given for a long time, but I guess I've always been ahead for my age. Well, ahead in some respects, and so horribly behind in others. Which I am paying for now. But I am piecing it together, slowly but surely, and everyday it makes more and more sense.

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Human Geography [09 Mar 2003|10:07pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Another one of those crazy weekends, similair to what you would maybe see in a teen movie, starring Kirtsen Dunst or perhaps Rachel Leigh Cook. Although I am nothing like either one of these girls, but you get the idea. Or maybe I am.

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Cucumber Melon [07 Mar 2003|06:03pm]
[ mood | calm ]

"Your mom" jokes are funny when people say them to me, because my mom is someone that not many people would want to say that to if and when they were put in such a situation. I just though I would share that, and not much else except for, while this Friday is a. not anywhere near done yet, and b., lacks information on a certain item that made last weekend so great, still was awesome because I had one class today, a good cup of coffee and good iced tea, and quesadillas for lunch. AND my special ice cream thing where I put granola on top of the ice cream and then I don't feel so bad for eating it. Um, yeah, so that is my excitment level, and so there you go. My journal entries are often times about food, which is odd if you know anything about me, which is nothing that I would like to put here. Because I don't always like to share, and I'm not talking about food. Anyways, the night is young and there are some hot ladies around here that are ready to party. Peace.

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Meghan Bennett is smart and sexy as hell [06 Mar 2003|07:17pm]
[ mood | full ]

Passion iced tea, produced by Tazo tea and marketed by Starbucks, is a fantastic drink, comperable to the delightful iced vanilla latte I had earlier today. Always on the quest of the perfect beverage I am. I am also seriously comtemplating getting a tattoo, if I didn't not already metion this in yesterday's entry, which I think I did, but that is OK because if I did, it would be a big deal because it would be permenant. FOREVER. And forever is a long time, but I have a design in mind that I really like, and I bought some fake tattoo stuff to mess around with what I would like and if I would really want it there forever. What I have right now I really like and it's in a cool place that could be hidden if needed but also a place that is in clear vision of others, so they can enjoy it, and in clear of me so I can enjoy it. So everyone would win. Except I don't think my parents would be too thrilled about it, but we will see where talks will go. Who knows, everyday is a new day, and that is why something permanant is scary. Because it may seem cool one day and then one day you wake up and it's just not anymore. Which happens and is normal. Weird.
P.S. 5 days until I need to have a boyfriend for class. Just joking! But seriously, it would be totally weird if I did meet someone and something happened that fast, or continued to happen...

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New York, Motherfuckers! [05 Mar 2003|01:32pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Happy day, what with an outstanding and above average grade on my physics midterm. Oh happy days! I am feeling all shaky again, and I really can not explain why. Just one of those crazy things, I suppose. Shit, I always have these big long things that I want to write and then I can never remember them. Oh, well. Anyways, I made my lists that were part of my yoga homework assignment to have a boyfriend by next week. Interesting, because I have more things on my list of things that I want to give someone than are on my list of things that I want in someone else, meaning that I am a giving person, I suppose. Well, we shall see if these lists do indeed grant me the clarity to chart my own destiny, I suppose. Only time will tell, although I only have a week.

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Whoa, Nelly! [04 Mar 2003|10:23pm]
OK, so once again with the anonomous posts. I REALLY do not understand what is so wrong with wanting to experience something that I have not experienced before, mainly never having been in a relationship and love. I'm not claiming that I'm gonna marry any of the boys that I happen to see and find cute, I just want to try this crazy little thing called love. Yes, I know that I will most likely get hurt in the end, but I have been hurt before, and I believe that it is way better to have tried it and gotten hurt then never have tried it at all. I guess I am just more hopeful than other people, who knows and who really cares. Besides, who is to say that any of the people that you see everyday and are in and out of your lives are not your soulmates and you just don't know it yet? I like to be optomistic; it's better than always assuming that things will go wrong. It's just what works for me and I don;t ask that anyone else feel that way, just that they respect my right to my own feelings and thoughts on topics. I am always open to listen to what others have to say about topics and I do very much value what other people have been through and can teach me from their lives, but there is a certain aspect of growing up that involves falling down and skinning the knees, or reaching out and touching that hot stove. Some things must be learned by doing, not seeing, and that;s just a fact of life. So thank you once again mysterious poster for caring, and I am off.
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Obisidian Clovis points rock my world [04 Mar 2003|07:33pm]
[ mood | empowered ]

So I realized today that my music tastes are some of the most eceltic in the world. Case in point: today's mp3 mix:
1. Dashboard Confessional
2. NIN
3. Sleater-Kinney
4. Simple Plan
5. Foo Fighters
6. Bowling for Soup
7. Blues Travler
8. Toni Braxton
10. Jack Johnson
11. Stroke 9
12. Marcy Playground
13. Tonic
14. Donna Summers
15. Dixie Chicks
There you have it. Two things: First of all, I love to make lists, and second of all, that is one mixed list. I mean, really. And what is more, the order in which the songs are in makes it even better and even crazier, as like Dashboard preceeds NIN and so on and so forth. Strange one I am, and my yoga teacher just gave me the assignment to get a boy friend by next week. That is strange, but also somewhat empowering, as he was like make a list of what you want to give to someone in a relationship, so it's like a giving idea and not what I want out of someone. That is a really cool idea, I think. He says it will give me clarity. I hope so. And I hope a certain person will develop as a result of the list and actually will be my boyfriend, as he is cute.

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Austin Loves Ian [03 Mar 2003|08:20pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

OK, so I have not updated in the longest of times, which upsets me greatly. Actually, it upsets my good friend Shaun, who is my fake husband and whom I would not want to upset because it has been brought to my attention that I am outting several other draft picks for the position of his fake wife, and that;s one round I don't wanna miss out on. I had the most fantastic day EVER the other day, and the "ever" really does need to be capitalized in that manner because it truly was a fantastic day. Allow me to recollect and document:
1. I was rockin' a fab outfit, looked pretty cute (PS my hair is now dark brown)
2. There was pizza for lunch at the Terry, which doesn't happen often and is always a treat because I love pizza
3. There was a certain someone at the Terry, which REALLY made my day
4. Went to the computer store and got a hella cheap CD binder and smoked some cloves on the way back (so great)
5. Got a FREE 6 pack of good beer (never ever happens)
6. Found out that brandy and root beer make a pretty good mixed drink
7. Got fucked up and saw the transgender talent show, complete with people that looked hopelessly better than I could ever look in a crop top
8. Sobered up and watched American Beauty, which is a fantastic little flick
9. Went to bed and had beautiful sleep.
Really, how often do that many great things happen in one day? I mean, I would have chalked it up as good if like numbers 1 and 5 had been meant just by themselves, and the fact that number 3 happened in and of itself was good enough for a week, for reasons I choose not to recount online until a further time. Anyways, I don't want to jinx anything and I'm not bragging, I just was so amazed at the amazing results of my fabulous day, and I just wanted to document them for eternity. I mean, I like completely covered the entire grommet of the college experience all in one day. Beer, pizza, sex, and friends. What is better? I know not of such a thing.

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[18 Feb 2003|09:55pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I am so fucking tired right now. But that is OK, because I had an excellent cup of coffee this morning that I made, and excellent teriyaki tonight for dinner, and I am making a huge Floggin Molly CD that will be real neat like. So I've got that going for me. Intellilectualism abounds tonight, as students all over the dorm eagerly try to desperately wade through all the work that is so unique to midterm. I have been working here for quite some time and am still not sure exactly what I have accomplished, but there was work done, and much of it. Lots of work. Oodles. But I seriously am having a hard time keeping my eyes open, and it;s like 10 PM. And will I go to bed at a decent hour tonight? Only time will tell. Will I make the right choices and get my recommended 8+ hours? I haven't yet this year, why start now? No, I mean I do sleep enough, I'm not a strung out crack addict (well, actually, some would beg to differ), but I do usually survive on less that the optimal amount of sleep. And the sad thing is that I have never stayed up because homework or school. Actually, I guess that is a good thing, because I get my work done and then usually have fun starting right about now. But there is much more to be done and I will never be finished. Ever. No, that;s not true, I just wanted to say it for effect.

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[17 Feb 2003|05:38pm]
What to say, oh what to say. Had a crazy Friday, all those involved in the making of this crazy Friday know their roles and most would probably rather not have their parts broadcasted over the internet, so let's just leave it at that. Alrighty. Went home and got my skateboard, which is my newest hobby, at least hobby in the making. This journal entry must be cut short, though, as I must go and get a caffine fix. Bye.
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